Chai latte

I know it’s not a right.

I am fully aware that one day it will be gone. Gone from our lives forever, or at least until he becomes a teenager and tries to sleep all day of his own accord.

So I will try to savour every minute of it for as long as it’s here. Nap time that is.

I’m like a coiled spring, as soon as his sleepy head hits the pillow, I creep out the room… and into action.

Some days the oven goes on and a one pot meal is prepared while vegetables and other goodies are prepped for the week ahead. Then the small ironing pile is attacked, (we shake and fold in this house as much as possible). Or some other household task is completed, a bathroom is blitzed and the duster connects with a few surfaces while spreading the ocean fresh fragrance of polish around the house.

But then.

Every so often, the kettle goes on before food is prepped or the ironing is attacked. The milk is heated, then frothed with a dash of cinnamon and maple syrup, and I sit down with a chai latte.

The first time I felt guilty. Guilty that the floors would remain unmopped and apart from a cursory squirt of toilet cleaner, the bathroom would have to wait until later in the week. I would worry that because I hadn’t meal prepped, the whole week’s meal planning would go into disarray and we’d end up eating peanut butter on toast for supper… all week.

But then I realised none of that really mattered. Sure, I may have to catch up things later on in the week, or iron a shirt in the morning before work. But the world would not stop if a few crumbs were left on the living room floor. So I began to secretly look forward to these moments. I felt a smug sense of freedom (and pride) in the act of snuggling into the sofa with a homemade chai latte and an episode of Spooks or Downtown Abbey.

As time has gone by, the ironing and cleaning could be done while he’s awake, we can meal prep side by side; him with his playdough and spoons and me with the real stuff. I no longer feel compelled to cook while he’s sleeping.

But I will savour my chai latte time. It’s my secret time. There are so few quiet moments in my day, (bathroom visits do not count, right?) that for me I will drag out Chai time as much as possible. I will use it to regroup, share some quiet moments with God, listen to a podcast, or watch a BBC drama. I will catch up with a friend or family member who lives on the other side of the world, without being disturbed.

And I will not feel guilty. Not about the crumbs on the floor or the sweet drink that I enjoy while he sleeps… for any moment now, it will be gone.

Because I know it’s not a right.

#chailatte #mumguilt #naptime